


Are they real?

by GlitterCake20



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adventures, Boyfriends, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, I told you it's crack, Liam is a Little Shit, M/M, Peter Panda dance, Retrieve the magic items, Theo is an understanding boyfriend, dwarfs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-14 00:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterCake20/pseuds/GlitterCake20
Summary: Based on this not-prompt in my ask box:"Are your boobs real?" to which Adri replied:"Would it be rude to say I’ve now Thiam-ed this?Like, delirious, wolfsbane-drugged Liam lying on Deatons table or whatever as the doc gets ready to try and get the arrow or whatever is poisoning him out? And Theo, shirtless obviously, standing over him to hold him down.And suddenly Liam just reaches up and pokes Theo’s gigantic pectoral…And asks that question."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ithinkwehaveanemergency](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/gifts).



> There is really no point or plot here.

“I mean how many bones do you think I’ll break if I just jump from here?” Liam asked peering over the edge of a way-too-high cliff.

 “It’s fucking high Liam don’t be an idiot, or do … I mean I love to laugh” Theo mused floating around on his back in the lagoon below.

 “I could just fall on you..”

 “I could just break your face”

 “You wouldn’t, I’m your boyfriend. You love me”

 “I what? Who said that?” Theo smiled hearing Liam click his tongue in annoyance. He didn’t care- he was semi naked with a cute boy, albeit an angry one, and they were swimming in a gorgeous ravine with long branches hanging down, birds chirping- what could go wrong?

Theo should have known the moment he thought that, that _everything_ would go wrong. He heard Liam hit the water with an uncomfortable splash, those cringey flat ones that immediately knocks your breath out.

 What he didn’t hear were the curses and moans that should have followed it. He froze as he floated, listening for Liam to come back up but there was only a soft plop of water. The chimera scrambled to gain traction in the water, he choked at the sight of Liam floating upside down a few meters away from him, “Liam!!!” he swam over as fast as he could, forgetting everything around him, “Liam, you idiot!!!”

 He reached the beta, flipping him over, cradling his head in the nook of his arm. He slapped his cheek, “Come on, wake up. What the fuck?” a strange and rancid smell hit his nose, like something he knew but… off?

 Liam’s heart was beating he was just… unconscious. The drop wouldn’t have knocked him out, something must have happened on top of the cliff, he frowned at the faint smell of blood mixing with the fresh water of the lagoon.

 Theo swam them out to the shore, pulling Liam out on the picnic blanket, “Li, please open your eyes. Come on my boy, please” The noticed the red rash spreading over Liam’s body.

He couldn’t see any wounds, indicating some kind of poison. Time to get to Deaton’s. Theo left everything else and carried Liam to the truck, strapping him into the passenger seat.

 He sped out of the preserve, back to the city, all in all it was about a 20 minute drive that he cut by 10 minutes. Suddenly he regretted being an ass and never actually saying “I love you to Liam” he felt it, _so much_ and he showed him all the time, but everyone said it- he didn’t want it to be just another thing spoken like a chore. But now, fuck now he would give anything for Liam to hear him say it.

He skidded to halt in front of the vet’s clinic, “Deaton!” he yelled jumping out and running around to the passenger side. The doc opened the door in a haste, rushing over to help Theo with the limp beta, now covered in a red vein-like rash.

“We were just swimming in the lagoon and he wanted to jump and then he just _fell_ , lights out” Theo rambled, trying to give Deaton as much detail as he possibly could while keeping an ear tuned to Liam’s heart- which seemed to be beating steady.

“I think I know what this is” The doc laid Liam down on the cold table and flipped him around pushing his hair away from his neck. He pulled out a tiny red dart lodged in the base of Liam’s neck. “He will wake up soon. It is a very rare form of wolfsbane used by the forest dwellers to ward off intruders”

“Forest dwellers??” Theo frowned hoping with his entire soul that Deaton was saying what he thought he was saying. 

The doc looked at him, sighing before he spoke, he knew how the chimera would to react, “Yes Theo, Dwarfs.”

“Bwhahahahahaha!!! Are you serious?? A werewolf got darted and knocked out by a mythical midget??” There were actual tears forming in his green eyes, his cheeks a choked red.

“Theo…”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry” he straightened up and took Liam’s hand as the beta stirred.

“He will be _very_ disoriented when he wakes up, delusional even. We don’t know if he will react with fear or anger, so he will need his anchor” The man said firmly, “I have to head out for a few hours but I will be back.”

This was going to be fucking fantastic. He looked down at the blinking boy, pouty lips opening and closing as he tried to speak, “Thleeo?” Liam slurred, lifting a limp hand to touch the chimera but it just flopped against Theo’s still bare chest.

“Thleeo… c’mere…” he waved the lazy hand to himself. Theo snorted and leaned down, “I’m here” he reassured, stroking over Liam’s forehead.

“Plllssst, Thleeo…”

“What?”

“Are your boobs real?” Liam repeatedly poked a crooked finger into Theo’s pectoral.

Theo barked out a laugh, feeling over his pecs himself, “Nope. These are compliments of the Kardashian’s surgeon. Wonderful guy that one.”

“Oh shiiiit…. I knew it though” Liam closed his eyes nodding, mostly at himself, “ones that pretty are never real”

“Oh is that so, and how would you know?”

“Doctor nine oh three, no, two one… -”

“Okay, don’t hurt yourself. You’ve done enough of that for today” Theo said helping Liam to sit up.

Liam gasped, “I hurt myself?? What happened?” Liam looked at his legs and arms still covered in the rash, “Oh wow…” he looked up at Theo with his huge blue eyes, glazed and pupils blown wide. Theo looked adoringly at him, wiping away the bit of drool in the corner of the beta’s mouth.

“You were shot with a – ”

“OH FUCK!!?? Where???” Liam screamed patting his body down in search of bullet holes.

“Let me finish you dork!” Theo said stilling the wolf’s hands, “You were darted with wolsfsbane by a _dwarf…”_  Theo laid specific emphasis on the last word, letting it roll off his tongue extra leisurely.

Liam gaped at him, blinking slower than anything Theo had ever seen and for far too long, like the words were being transferred to his brain by a turtle stuck in peanut butter.

“Liam…. a dwarf!”

“No waaaaay? A dwarf??” Theo giggled at the genuine amusement in the boy’s voice, “Can we go back and _get_ him?” Liam asked lifting his hands for Theo to pick him up, “We won’t be _getting_ any dwarfs”

Theo lifted Liam and carried him over to the basin, helping him to wash his face and drink some water, watching as he stretched his eyes wide at himself in the mirror, flaring his nostrils like some lunatic.

Yup, this was the guy…

Theo turned Liam toward him, smoothing his wet hair back, holding his face on either side. Something in Liam’s drug hazed eyes softened and he smiled genuine and bright back at Theo.

“I love you, you little idiot. You’re the sweetest thing I know, and I just adore you so very much. I’ll say this again when you’re sobered up but for now that’s all you need to know”

Liam frowned and made a weird slurping sound, sucking back the drool, “You shouldn’t say things like that…” he leaned in close to Theo, whispering, “… _I have a boyfriend_ ”

Liam spent four hours after that chasing imaginary mini dragons around the clinic. Theo played along and helped Liam ‘capture’ them, giggling every time Liam thanked him and called him pretty, promising to break up with his boyfriend for him.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still no plot, just silliness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the title of the fic, because apparently now we have a multi chapter?

“We have to get our stuff Theo” Liam says swinging the car keys around one finger, already halfway to the door.

 

“So it has nothing to do with you wanting to see a dwarf? Theo asks still sprawled out on the couch.

 

“No? That was an expensive watch… my mom will kill me” Liam replies acting out all the telltale signs of a big fat liar. Of course he wants to see a dwarf, who wouldn’t?

 

“You’re such a dork, I swear” Theo gets up and grabs his wallet and Liam’s face immediately lights up.

 

“You’re in??”  

 

“Who will fish you out of the water this time if I’m not there hmm?” he’s lying too, he wants to see the forest dwellers with his own eyes. He’s heard stories of their angry little bodies running rampage in the woods.

 

On the way to the preserve Liam stares contemplatively out the window. Theo places a hand on his thigh squeezing a few times to get his attention, “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

 

“Oh… I’m thinking of what to say to them” Liam says honestly, he’d stopped caring long ago if Theo thought he was nuts, the chimera knew what he was getting into.

 

Theo shakes his head because despite being with Liam for a while now, he still surprises the hell out of him sometimes, “Why not start with a hello?”

 

“It seems like such an average thing to say to such magical beings”

 

Theo glances at Liam, staring out of the truck window. He remembers the panic that settled into his bones when he saw Liam float face down like that. He thought maybe he should make a habit of telling the crazy shit that he loves him more often, especially before embarking on dangerous missions. He didn’t know much about love, but that seemed like a good thing to do.

 

He reaches over, placing his hand on Liam’s thigh, “Hey…” Liam looks down at his thigh and then up at Theo.

 

“I love you, Liam”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why???”

 

“No! sorry! I mean I _know_ but why are you saying it?”

 

“I don’t want you to die and think I don’t love you” Theo blushes, turning his face away, “Not that you will care when you’re dead but-”

 

“I love you too, you big bad ass” Liam interrupts him because he knows the idiot loved him. There was never any doubt in his mind, not after he fought off a ghost rider so that Liam could go save Hayden.

 

Theo squeezes his thigh and smiles as they pull up on the shore of the lagoon where they attempted to have a picnic the day before. They get out and walk over to where they left their belongings.

 

“Well the stuff is gone…” Theo looks around hands on his hips.

 

“No, look.” Liam points to one of their shirts, laying at the foot of the cliff, they follow a trail of things, dropped in an obvious haste. Liam’s watch is dangling on a branch that pokes out from the cliff.  He reaches to grab it at the same time a small wrinkled hand reaches for it too.

 

Liam yelps and pulls away startling Theo behind him, “Ohmygod!!!??”

 

“Wha-” Theo stops mid-sentence staring with Liam at an opening in the cliff wall, like a curtain pulled to the side, flowers and leaves creasing with it. In it there is a horrified pair of eyes looking just as shocked as the two wolves. The pointy red hat and a long beard frames an angry scowl-like face.

 

Theo yanks Liam back, clutching his arm “Is that…”

 

“The _dwarf_ …” Liam gasps in utter amazement, his eyes twinkling until his ears are assaulted by a sharp piercing whistle. Theo is affected too but not as badly. Theo grabs Liam, holding him until the whistle fades.

 

There is a rustle behind them and they turn around to find a bunch of little forest dwellers surrounding them, the creatures are only knee high, all with varying shades of gray beards. They do nothing, they just… _stand_. And that is honestly more intimidating that anything else.

 

Theo leans in, not taking his eyes off the midgets and whispers, “Shitttt”

 

“Why do they look so…” Liam whispers back

 

“Murderous?”

 

“Yeah”

 

Liam clears his throat and Theo wants to stop him but of course the beta’s mouth just runs, “Uh, hi Mr. Dwarf...”

 

 _Oh wow Liam really?_  Theo thinks prodding him with an elbow, “I thought we agreed that _I_ do the talking? Always.”

 

The dwarf stomps forward, the angry scowl on his face deepening as he lifts his little leg and kicks Theo full force in the shins. The chimera drops to his knees groaning in pain.

 

“Hey!! Was that necessary???” Liam yells earning himself a kick in the back of the knees that sends him to the ground. There is suddenly a luminescent rope around his body pulling tighter and tighter, but no one is holding it. There is just a dwarf in front of Liam twirling his finger around as the rope tightens.

 

“This was such a bad idea…hey! Let go!!” The dwarfs start tying Theo and Liam up with a surprisingly strong force. The rope is obviously some magical spell bound object because even with their werewolf strength the restraints won’t budge.

They are carried into the parting of the cave wall, it feels weird going in. Their bodies tingle as they pass through the magical realm to a place that wasn’t there before, still helplessly tied up and squirming.

They are placed back to back against a pole and a few more crafted ropes are set around them to keep them in place, not that they can move much in any event.

 

* * *

 

“Oh shit… please…. Hahahahaha…. Stop that!!! Aaaaah Liam??!!” Theo is beet red in his face from laughter and the dwarf will not cease the tickling, he keeps jabbing and twisting his stubby fingers into Theo’s sides.

 

Liam doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, he is terrified of the tiny shits but hearing Theo laugh like that is making him cackle uncontrollably, tears are flowing and he can barely see anymore. The dwarfs are screaming with laughter now too, the torture had turned to entertainment.

 

The one who seems to be the leader, giggles and pokes a finger into Theo’s ribs causing the chimera to squirm. The dwarf looks back at the others in amusement and they all break out laughing, cheering for another poke.

 

“STOP POKING ME!!” Theo yells, yanking at the magical binds around his wrists to no avail.

 

“Pok! Pok! Pok!” they chant and stomp their little feet, Theo and Liam both look worriedly at the vibrating ground, “Holy shit, we are going to be murdered Liam!! All because you wanted to see dwarfs!!”

 

“You didn’t try real hard to stop me did you now??” Liam shouts over the chants, “What’s the plan, Theo??”

 

Theo thinks for few seconds, they must want something, right? They don’t _look_ like cannibals, one never knows, but he doesn’t see a man-sized pot of boiling water so he assumes they won’t be dinner. The dwarfs are chanting too loud for Theo to get their attention so he rolls his neck and lets out a loud roar, it echoes through the preserve and the chanting stops instantly.

 

The small bells on the tips of their hats chime in unison as they turn their heads to Theo, beady eyes growing wide. They gasp a long nasally “wooooooow” staring at the chimera’s glimmering golden eyes. Not scared, just amused.

 

“What do you want? We can get you whatever you want?” Theo says, his features shifting back to normal.

 

The leader waddles off to the side of the cave and brings back a book bigger than himself, opening it in the middle. There are words written in a strange language with lots of symbols and signs which Theo knows nothing of.

 

“Does he want you to read to him??” Liam asks half hysterically, positive that this situation can’t get any worse.

 

Theo looks questioningly at the dwarf, irritated because they can’t understand most of what the little things are saying, Deaton did say that dwarfs are mostly mute to other beings.  The dwarf responds by poking the page repeatedly and smacking Theo’s leg, the determination on his face growing more intense.

 

“What??? I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying you little…”

 

“Theo!!” Liam stop the chimera from earning them another tickle-torture session, “Hey, come here, me lookey” Liam beckons the dwarf closer with a nod of his head. Theo rolls his eyes, but it works. The little guys shuffles over to Liam and flops the book down in his lap. He points to a picture of figure, with long flowing red hair, a gaping mouth and dark eyes. Liam recognizes it immediately.

 

“A banshee?”

The dwarf nods enthusiastically, prodding at the page again.

“ _The_ banshee...”

The dwarf nods again making grabby hands, “You want us to _bring_ you the banshee?”

 

They all cheer, assuming it as an agreement. There are a bunch of threats made with stubby hand gestures, indicating that the two will be tracked down and murdered if they do not comply. They are even shown Jenna’s house in a crystal ball-  these fuckers are serious.

 

With a snap of fingers, the magic ropes dissolve and the boys are being ushered up and out of the realm with a swift kick in their asses. They stumble back out on the other side of the cliff wall, scrambling for the truck.

 

“You know you just agreed to kidnap Lydia right?”

“Yep”

“And we are doing this?”

“Liam, I have never been tickled to the point of terror before. We are _doing_ this”


	3. Chapter 3

“You want me to _what_ now??” Lydia asks batting her long lashes, dumbfounded at the request.

 

“It will be quick! And they are harmless!” Liam sees Theo’s ‘really now?’ look, but he obviously ignores him. Things that start a war with tickles were nothing to be concerned about. The chimera is just over sensitive and apparently hates tickles, who knew.

 

“You are crazy. Entirely crazy, I think, and there is _no_ way I will ever go with you two to see _dwarfs_ that summoned me to their lair," the red head thins her voice and waves a manicured finger in their guilty looking faces.

 

“Lydia please, they will murder my mom with their blunt little daggers. _Please_.” Liam begs with his hands clasped in a praying pose.

 

“Think of Jenna’s cream pies” Theo adds, and it looks like he struck a nerve, but he has to wonder why Liam is so persistent to help the midgets.

 

“Hmm…” Lydia hums eyes examining the ceiling, and the boys perk up with hope, “Uug, fine! Okay! But I swear if we get killed…”

 

* * *

 

Liam is relieved that Lydia agreed to go, he was fully prepared for a proper kidnapping. Theo thought the ropes were for towing, ha!

 

They pull up to the lagoon where this mess started and Liam leads them to the cave wall, holding Theo’s hand and he can feel Lydia’s eyes on them, he can smell how nervous she is. He’d be nervous too… I.E.D werewolf and ex-murderer leading a girl into the woods to talk to a group of short men? Yeah no. But Liam HAD to. He just _had_ to.

 

Theo folds his arms, “Now what?” the words are barely cold when small stones are hauled at their calves. The wolves cuss and swat around in the air, doing a weird little hop.

 

“Excuse me!?” Lydia flings around, her red locks floating in a half moon as she turns. There is a harmonious “aaaaaaaaaaah” from behind them and the flying rocks halt. The dwarfs. Their eyes are glassy and huge and in awe of the red head, “ _Bansheeee_ ” they chant, swooping closer to Lydia.

 

They huddle around her legs, and the poor girl is just plastering her skirt to her body, “Okay, what is _this??”_ she shrieks, “These are dwarfs Liam!!!???” 

 

“Yeah, we told you that?” Liam says looking frightened between her and the cooing minis

 

“Well honey, no one actually believes someone when they talk about dwarfs, I just thought you guys were high as hell?” She cries out and jumps as one of them poke her thigh, "I was just tagging along to humor you and keep and eye... Hey, hey!! Stop that!!" 

 

It’s not long before the two boys are prodded toward the cave wall and shoved inside as it opens like a curtain, pushing the flowers to the side to reveal a dark passage. Theo rolls his eyes and slaps a hand around in the air behind him trying to ward off the pushy little fingers in the back of his knees. Lydia’s face however is pure disbelief, or is it terror? But she enters the cave wall and the dwarfs are surprisingly gentle and polite with her.

 

Once inside, they motion to an honest to heavens plantation of mushrooms, various sizes. The three look around nervously, are they meant to sit down, eat it, compliment them?

 

“YA!” the leader dwarf shouts as he whips the back of Theo’s knees and he sinks down onto the shroom, “Hey!! What the hell grandpa?”

 

“I think they want us to sit.” Lydia says, green eyes blown wide. She neatly folds her skirt in under her butt, clasping her hands in her lap.

The other two sit down on either side of her after testing the mushroom, surprised that it holds. The second-in-charge walks up to them, his little legs stopping in front of Lydia. He motions to his mouth and then to hers, she doesn’t get it…. None of them do. In her most mom-like voice she addresses the scowling face,

 

“Sweetheart… I don’t know what the hell you’re saying, and I’m really freaked out right now, so if you don’t spit it out quickly… I’m going to scream for the big bad wolf to come get me…”

 

The little guy nods eagerly crooked toothy smile spreading wide across his wrinkled face.

 

“He _wants_ you to scream…” Theo says incredulously, he’s worried for his hearing if this banshee just breaks out hollering right beside him. “Or does he want Scott?” Lydia asks and the dwarf shakes his head almost off his little square shoulders. “No, not Scott, you want me to scream? Why?”

 

The dwarf makes a speaking gesture with his hand and pounds his chest. It’s like playing Pictionary with a three-year-old, the two wolves stare past Lydia at each other, shrugging like they were playing and didn’t know the answer.

 

“No, no wait he doesn't want you to scream... he can’t speak, I think they can speak through you Lydia, maybe through your banshee voice?” Liam apparently speaks dwarf now and Theo just stares at him, mouth gaping as the dwarf nods in agreement to what he said.

 

“Oh, great.” The red head rolls her eyes and motions for the little people to come do their thing and get the weirdness over with, surprisingly the dwarf just climbs on her lap, which is strange yes, but he only leans in and whispers in her ear. The part that send their minds flying is the fact that as he speaks and she listens her red hair fucking _glows_ like a scarlet version of Rapunzel. She doesn’t seem to notice, just nods along.

 

“Well, you guys won't like this.” She says placing the dwarf back on the ground like you would a toddler.

“I didn’t like this to begin with, so how much worse can it get?” Theo asks wobbling on the mushroom, they were not made for asses that’s for sure.

 

Liam is eyeing their belongings in a small woven basket, his jeans laying just out of reach beside it, “What is it Lyds? Can we get our stuff back now?” Again, Theo peeps at him strangely, they can just buy new clothes, aside from Liam’s watch there is nothing of value, why is he so determined to get the stuff back?

 

“Hmm, this is the thing. They are willing to… negotiate.” the red head says looking between the wolves and the dwarfs.

 

“Negotiate??” Theo just about topples off the mushroom, he opts to stand instead but snake-ish critters dangle from the overhead shrubs and tickle the top of his head, _they have fucking eyes_ \- three of them, in a neat little row on their foreheads. His first instinct is to whack it with all his might but papa dwarf dagger-stares him and he drops into a crouching position instead.

 

“Okay! Okay fine. I want to ask why we are negotiating with a bunch of dwarfs in the first place, but it seems like we have surpassed all things logical, so… what do they want?” He says watching Liam scratch a younger midgets head as the thing leans into it- if he could purr he would have. Shit, he probably can, who knows?

 

Lydia takes a deep breath, and that just makes Theo flinch internally, “They have a task, two tasks to be exact. They need your help to retrieve stolen items…” She says it slowly, looking at Theo through her thick lashes, “For each item you bring back, they will return a piece of your belongings.”

 

“Absolutely not.” His protest doesn’t last…

 

“We’ll do it!” Liam shrieks from behind him and Theo catches the lanky dwarf in the corner wave something at Liam eliciting his agreement, but before Theo can see what it is the dwarfs hides it behind his back again- the evilest little smile on his face.

“Liam, why the fuck would we-”

 

“That watch Theo, my mom will be _so_ hurt, you know this. _Please_?” He is sweating, but it’s not a lie, just a half-truth, and he’s kind of offended that his boyfriend even looked at his chest like that… he’s also a little shit because he knows the chimera loves him and is entirely soft for him and will never say no to him when he says please like that. Ever.

 “I hate you,"

* * *

 

They trudged through disgusting amounts of mud to find this damn willow tree, it looks like the ugly cousin of the Nemeton to be honest, and now that they finally found it, there are thousands of blinking yellow eyes staring down at them from the surrounding tree tops. The branches of the big tree hang low, encasing them and there’s an eerie mist hovering just above the ground covering their feet. Random rustles and noises come from the bushes every now and again, and shit, it’s enough to freak out even the hell-wolf himself.

 

“I cannot for the life of me believe we are doing this. Why Liam??” Theo holds the paper with the squiggly directions out to Liam, “This is _bizarre_!”

 

“Shut up, what does it say?” Liam grabs the paper, less than amused when he sees the next step.

 

Theo looks at him, his lips pulled into an unimpressed pucker, “There is a _dance,_ Liam. We have to do a dance for the thing to let us in.” he’s about ready to murder a thing when he looks at Liam, but his eyes are so puppy-like and blue and he looks awful scared and so Theo just melts. He’s certain it’s a manipulation technique Liam learned from yours truly but he melts none the less.

 

Theo leans over and plants a quick kiss on Liam’s cheek, “Okay let’s see, The Peter Panda? You know it?” he asks and Liam scratches his head looking sort of guilty because obviously he knows the dance… _obviously_ , “Right, look who I’m talking to. So how does it go? Do we both have to do it?”

 

"I don’t know Theo?! Let me… move over” He pushes Theo to the side and stands in front of the huge tree trunk, there is not a lot of time left and they were instructed to get this done before the sun comes up. Theo crosses is arms and watches in disbelief as Liam starts singing and does some ridiculous dance along with the words.

 

“When you're down and low, lower than the floor, And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Bom, bom, bom,” Liam points to the floor and bends his body down, coming up a little with each “Bom” he ignores the cracking smile on Theo’s face.

 

“Don't make a move till you're in the groove and do the Peter Panda Dance” He claps twice and a bright light emanates from under the tree trunk. He widens his eyes at Theo and the chimera encourages him to keep going.

“Just hop three times like a kangaroo,” Liam bends his arms like T-Rex claws and hops on the spot three times, by now Theo is snorting and muffling his laughter with his hoodie. The tree’s branches shake and the forest floor vibrates slightly as a thin crack appears in the middle of the trunk, the yellow light shining through.

 

“Side-step twice just like those crabs do, Three steps forward, one step back.” He curls his fingers to mimic a crab and steps to the side and then back and as he does the crack in the tree trails down and splits the ground open, the parting is magically illuminated by the yellow light. Theo isn’t laughing anymore.

 

“Quick like a turtle, lie on your back!” Liam grabs Theo’s arm and pulls him down just as a bunch of arrows fly over their heads and into the tree where Theo stood. His eyes are wide and his heart is pounding, but he’s never been more ecstatic that his boyfriend is so ridiculous that he knows this stupid dance.

 

“Roll like a log ‘till you can't roll no more!” Liam whispers this part of the song and nudges Theo to roll back over to the side of the gaping crack where it’s safe to stand up, he doesn’t stop singing and motions for Theo to follow him:

 

“Better jump up quick like there ain't no floor, Hold your breath, and jump to the left!” on the last word he jumps and grabs Theo’s arm and they plummet down into the glowing crack in the ground.

 

“And that’s the Peter Panda daaaaaance!!” Liam’s voice fades as they fall down, down, down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I don't know... Enjoy?

They land with a cloud of dust, the thud of their heavy bodies echoing through the bottom of the cave they’d just fallen into, okay, maybe it's more like jumped into, Theo would say it's attempted murder but hey, who is keeping score?

 

Theo dusts himself off, slapping at the dirt much harder than what is necessary, “What in the ever-loving fuck Liam??? Who just yanks someone down into the unknown like that??? You are _completely_ in-fucking-sane, do you know that … I don’t even-"

 

“Shhhhh, Theo!!! Look!!!” Liam points to an arch in the cave wall, “it’s her…” he says with a hoarse whisper.

 

There, on a large and flat moss-covered rock, lays a woman- one leg crossed over the other, foot bopping up and down to a tune that the two wolves can’t hear. Her long black hair falls in perfect spirals down the side of the rock and for a moment it looks like the strands are alive. There are tiny fireflies zooming around her and her dark skin is illuminated with glowing pearly tattoos. Of all the majestic shit going on right there, the thing that has the two werewolves staring is the book that the woman is reading… not because it has an amazing cover but because is fucking _floating_ mid-air above her face while she reads.

 

The page flips itself over and Theo and Liam swallow but their throats remain dry, “Are you seeing this??” Liam whispers and digs his claws into Theo’s hand.

 

The chimera is still mildly pissed about the tandem murder attempt and shrugs Liam off, “Obviously, I’m also wondering what fresh hell you’ve hauled us into… _that_ is black magic Liam, did your parents not warn you about these things??” Theo spits out and his whisper fails to stay that way.

 

“You’re adorable when you’re mad, I can literally kill you.”

 

“You mean _kiss_?”

 

“I said what I said Theo.” Liam waves him away as the woman gets up, her silky black dress is like clingfilm around her body, its edges billows behind her like it's made of a shadow, it moves with her and turns when she does. Creepiest dress they’d ever seen.

 

They watch wide eyed as she swoops the book back onto an old dusty shelf with only a wave of her finger. Theo’s arm instinctively shoots out in front of Liam, pushing the beta behind him as the woman approaches. Something about her is awfully intimidating and Theo has a hard time concentrating suddenly and he doesn’t realize why until he looks over to Liam and his eyes are practically heart shapes while he’s staring at her.

 

“The Enchantress… Hello witch.” Theo bites out moving his body to cover Liam’s, partly to protect him and partly because he’s a little jealous that his boyfriend has fallen for the charms of the seductress.

 

She cocks her head to the side, her black eyes sparkling as she stares into what seems like Theo’s soul, “You are…” she sniffs him, “immune?” she looks oddly impressed but after giving Theo a once over she changes her expression to one of disappointment, well, because he’s fucking gorgeous and anyone would want him to have heart eyes for them.

 

“No, I’m just gay.” He says ignoring Liam’s raging heartbeat behind him.  The enchantress hums and floats around Theo to get a look at Liam, who Theo desperately tries to hide away from her. He’s never fought a lady before but there’s always a first time.

 

“And the younger one? He is affected by me…” she asks, her voice questioning and velvety and airy.

 

“He’s an idiot, and he’s also my boyfriend so,” Theo wonders if you can tell a thousand-year-old witch to back off. “Look we don’t want trouble.” He looks around, the walls are all lined with long shelves that stretch from one side to the other, filled with dozens of little potion bottles and leather-bound books, loose grimoire pages are pegged to the edges of the shelves and Theo quickly spots the one with the red drawing and ancient scribbles that the dwarfs drew for him. That’s the one they need to knock- because stealing from powerful mythical creatures seems to be the extent of his love for Liam. It’s probably even beyond that to be honest.

 

“I see.” She speaks softly but amused. She nods her head and just like that Liam’s heart rate returns to normal and his breathing steadies.

 

“You okay?” Theo turns his head to look at Liam but keeps his eyes on the dark woman, if there is one thing he’s learned it’s never to take your eyes off the enemy. “I’m fine, what happened?” Liam reassured him with a warm hand between his shoulder blades. "You got seduced dumbass."

 

“Greetings young wolf. I’ve been told about you. I’ve seen you in my mirror, you fight with the ways of a brave warrior,” She pauses for a moment and asks for Theo to drop his arm and step away, he does, “Achilles, that is who you remind me of.”

 

“Yeah, Achilles was a great dude! Although I wouldn’t have-”

 

“Liam… not now with the history okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, a bad time.”

 

The witch smiles and turns away and her creepy dress follows her, Theo can’t deny that she’s gorgeous, he reckons its part of the package of being the ultimate seductress, she just didn’t have a game plan for all the gay. And he realizes that is why the dwarfs asked him and Liam to do the dirty work.

 

So, the plan was to distract her, grab the spell the dwarfs wanted and make a run for it, he wondered if they would have to do another Peter Panda dance to get out, in which case their plan was fucked.

 

“How am I meant to distract her Theo??” Liam asks behind him as watching the witch search through a drawer for something.

 

“I don’t know Achilles, ask her if her boobs are real?! Make a plan, I’ll do the hard work as always.”

 

“What?? Listen! I got us in here, okay…”

 

“Yes exactly! Now shush and go talk to her while I grab this stupid spell for these stupid dwarfs so we can get the hell out of here. And Liam, for heaven’s sake _do not_ call her Ms. Witch.”

 

“It’s just polite Theo! Not my fault you people don’t have any manners I just-”

 

“Oh my… shut up and _go_!!”

  

Liam makes his way over to the dark lady and Theo can hear him making small talk, explaining why they are there, a love spell… really? He rolls his eyes and treads over to the bookshelf as quietly as he can, he pulls the pin from the wood and takes down the spell. There is not much of it he understands but he recognizes one word which he thinks is the Latin word for immortality. _Oh, great everlasting dwarfs_ , he thinks and folds the paper up.

 

There is suddenly a commotion behind him and he turns to find Liam suspended by his neck a few feet above the ground, the witches’ arm is outstretched, holding him in place with invisible magical force.

 

“I am aware that you came with no malicious intent,” she says to Liam, and then looks to the chimera, “but you however, you have a darkness I am rather fond of… and if you have any knowledge of me you’d know I collect all things _dark,_ Theo Raeken.”

 

Oh shit… how does she know his name?? He glances over at her mirror, the one she claims to have seen Liam in, and beside it are glass jars filled with sticky black liquid that slivers along the inside of the jar, the label on the shelf simply reads _Animarum_ … Souls. Fuck.

 

Liam gurgles for breath, kicking in the air as the woman extends her other arm and suspends Theo in the air too, she says a few unrecognizable words but they know it’s a spell and there is nothing they can do about it now, she is too strong. The enchantress follows the words with a puff of blue dust that wafts from her mouth and envelop Theo and Liam. She snaps her fingers and the cloud combusts and the two boys are gone…. nothing but a pile of their clothes on the ground below them.

  

* * *

 

The witch moves over to the squirming pile of clothes on the ground and places a small cage around it, “Come on out, let me see what you became. It’s a new spell, I don’t quite have it figured out.” She kneels down, long black hair falling over her shoulders, she watches as two chipmunks emerge from under the clothing.

 

“Ah! Adorable!” she squeals, clasping her hands together, rather pleased with her doing. “I shall return shortly, I notice we are out of jars and I won’t have anything to store your darkness in Theo… although I don’t know which one of you is which, I guess you will both have to do.”  The witch shrugs and gets up, throwing a black cloak around her shoulders. She presses a book into the wall and the concrete slides open revealing the woods on the other side. In a blink she disappears and the wall closes.

 

The squeakiest, shrillest and highest pitched voice one can think of cuts through the air and makes the other chipmunk jump in surprise, “WHAT THE FUCKKK LIAM??? WHAT THE FUCK????? CAN YOU…. WE ARE…. FUCK!!! WHAT EVEN???? CHIPMUNKS????  LIAM!!!!”

 

“Theo calm down, your voice is really high and it's hurting my ears!!!” Liam doesn’t seem to realise that he too is squealing on the same octave.

 

“YOU CAN’T TALK!!!! OH MY GOD. THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED TO US. THIS IS… IT'S JUST… IT'S CRAZY… THIS IS JUST, I CANNOT” Theo, the little fur ball, scurries around on the floor of the tiny cage, the hairs on his back raised and ears pulled flat. His tail slaps Liam across the face as he paces back and forth.

 

“Theo!!!” Liam screeches at him, “You need to chill! You are on stress level Harrington right now!! Fucking chill!” Liam grabs him and steadies the panicked creature with his tiny little paws on either side of what he assumes would be his shoulders, “STOP. Look.” Liam points to a tray of potion bottles on the floor beside them. Their labels are a blur of Latin words and phrases that are hard to make out but there is one that reads in English and it's clearly marked “Anti Spell”

 

Theo puffs out a deep breath, his eyes still blown wide, “Okay. Okay. That’s good, how do we get it?”

 

“We ask _him_.” Liam’s voice is a little stranger, still squeaky but low. Theo turns to the direction of Liam’s gaze and can’t help the cusses falling from his mouth when a green and absolutely gigantic caterpillar slithers from under the table toward them, slow as shit because he is absurdly fat.

 

“What even is that??”

 

“I don’t know but let's hope it likes cuddles?”

 

“Wait, why does it sound like you’re winging it again Liam? We need a plan, what are… I mean we don’t know what that is… what if it _eats_ us?? It's four times our size?”

 

“That thing _is_ the plan Theo. See how it’s rubbing against the furniture, if we can get it come over and we like, tickle it or something… I don’t know, maybe it pushes the cage over?”

 

Theo opens and closes his mouth in search of a flaw in the plan but he can'd find one and he looks at Liam in complete awe instead- this is why he loves him, he so damn smart. He wants to kiss him but feels weird doing it like this… chipmunk kisses? Liam seems to know what he’s thinking because he leans in and wiggles his tiny wet snout against Theo’s, “It will be okay. I love you Alvin.”

 

“I love you too. Now call the worm."

 

Liam sticks his paw through the cage and wiggles it around, “Here worm… come on, psss psss.” So along with him being really smart Liam is also a complete dork, Theo knows this, and he loves him for it but he can’t help but laugh, “What the fuck are you doing Li?” Theo snorts out, his whiskers twitching as he speaks.

 

The fat worm makes its way over to the cage and Liam tickles him under his belly and he lifts his side to make room for more tickles but he tips the wrong way and goes down with peristaltic waves. “Oh fucking fantastic. Now what, oh great worm whisperer?”

 

Liam ignores him and keeps calling the green blob, “Come on boy, get up,” the worm does a rocking movement a few times as its tries to get back on its stomach, after many attempts he builds up enough momentum to roll back.  Liam sighs with relief and continues the tickles, grateful that the worm didn’t give up, he admires that kind of determination. Theo is staring at him with _that_ look on his fluffy face. It normally makes him look super hot but now he just looks like an angry cartoon. Liam pays no mind.

 

This time the worm leans the right way and pushes hard enough against the cage for it to tip over. The two chipmunks cheer and bounce up and down with their furry bodies. They move out of the way just as the green guy falls down again, scattering to either side of him.

 

“Fuck yes!!!”

 

“Shit Dunbar!! You’re a genius!!! Go go go!!!”

 

They hurry over to the tray of potions and Liam grabs the bottle, he sees another just behind it and grabs that too- you can never be over prepared and thankfully the bottles are small enough for him to carry under his fluffy armpits.

 

Theo scampers to get the spell that the dwarfs want but it's stuck under the worm, he tugs and pulls and squeaks profanities, Liam helps by grabbing his tail and yanking hard. Theo shoots back, the spell in hand and they make a bee-line for the door. Except they can’t reach the magic book leaver that the witch used to open the wall to the other side because they are chipmunks. And they are short.

 

“Fuck!!! We are so close!” Theo yells waving the spell around in the air, but Liam is not out of ideas yet, he shoves the potion bottles into Theo’s arms and bolts. Liam claws his way up the bookcase near the exit, and catapults his small body off a pile of books. Theo tries to stop him but it’s too late because the little brown fur-rocket goes flying, he hits the magic book leaver and tumbles to the ground as the wall parts and they can see the woods where they came from.

 

“Come on!! Move!” Liam grabs one potion bottle and leaves the other with Theo and the two chipmunks _run._ They narrowly escape but keep going as the wall clamps shut behind them, “Drink it!! Quickly!!” Theo yells, he opens his bottle and reaches for his boyfriend’s paw and Liam does the same. Hell, they don’t know what will happen, this potion may obliterate them both into a flutter of dust, but their paws are clasped and they are looking at each other as they run, blue into green- if this is how they go then so be it.

 

There is a bright poof of light that blows the dust up from the ground, like a helicopter would do when landing, and then two naked human bodies appear as if out of thin air. The spell is still curled in Theo’s fist and they scream-laugh a victory cry as they run and run toward Theo’s blue truck.

 

“Oh holy fuck!!!!! We did it!!!!” Liam yells as he shuts the door behind him and holds the keys out to Theo, “Move!! Let get out of here!”

 

Theo jumps in on his side, shoves the spell into Liam’s other hand and he grabs the keys, he fumbles, and by now he’s out of breath even for a chimera. He stops, panting breaths fogging up the windshield, and he looks at Liam.

 

“What??” the beta replies impatiently.

 

“This isn’t even a car key Liam!!!”

 

“Sorry!! There, there it is!  Go!”

 

There is no reason to be riled up anymore, no one chasing after them, but they keep going like something is on their heels. The truck's tires screech and burn as Theo drifts around a corner and out of sight.

 

They head their naked asses back to the dwarf’s lair to deliver the prized spell. Liam can only hope they give him what he wants because he’s sure after this Theo won’t be up for any more tasks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my lovely Amanda, Sofia and Manny!!

“What do you mean _no_? It’s mine, it’s not debatable.” Liam grits out through clenched teeth, his face just inches from the skinny dwarf’s, he keeps an eye out for Theo but the chimera is still talking to papa dwarf- his back turned to Liam.

 

“Give it!!!” He grabs for the midget's hand but he misses, fucking shit is fast. The midget just no-no’s with his finger and keeps his other hand behind his back.

 

“Okay! Fuck this they have their spell, let’s go.”

 

“Uh... no we… they said two…”

 

“Liam they gave your watch back….”

 

Liam thinks quickly, “Theo, we are trying to be nice remember, they need help, and we help people. And they are keeping Lydia hostage.”

 

They both glance over to where Lydia is fanned with palm leaves and fed fruits on a moss-covered chaise longue as she lays back. This doesn’t help Liam’s case, and he knows the look on Theo’s face without having to see him.

 

“I’m not…” Theo starts the argument but Liam fixes him with a stare and he groans, flailing in true Stiles fashion, “Fine! But I hate your pack and their goody two shoes ways!!”

 

There is sharp slap to Theo’s ass as the little one beside him whips him with a willow tree branch, “Man… fuck you! Liam get the directions; I’ll meet you at the truck.”

Liam sighs relieved, his cheeks flushed and puffed out. He waits until Theo disappears though the opening before he speaks, “Okay. WHAT. What the hell do you need me to do to get the-” he too is whipped across the butt and he jumps around holding it.

 

The big dwarf pulls him to the side and shows him a glass box, in the middle of it is a  hole, like something belongs in there. The little guy draws a repeating circle in his palm, smiling bright with wide beady eyes- like he is doing an amazing job at explaining this, but it’s shit.

 

“…. What?” Liam’s face is scrunched up, lines furrowing between his eyes, his head his nodding along with the dwarf’s but he has no clue what the dude is trying to say.  He hates to interrupt Lydia where she is living her life as the new Queen of the Tiny Folk but he needs to do what he needs to do.

 

“Lyds, can you help me please?”

 

She groans but gets up at a leisurely pace, slinking over to Liam, she opens her eyes slowly and purses her lips.

 

Liam frowns at her for a second, “Are you _high_??”

 

“Mmm. No, no…” she tries and then rolls her eyes much slower than she intends, “yeah okay, _as a kite_. I don’t know Li, but those mushrooms are not _just_ for sitting on.”

 

“Oh my… I can’t even! Scott is going to murder me in the worst way!” he turns to the hoard of midgets behind him, “This is bad!! Bad dwarfs!!” They giggle.

 

“Lyds, can you ask this dude what he’s drawing?” Liam says turning back to the banshee.

 

“Oh that’s easy, that’s a compass.”

 

Liam doesn’t even know. He just doesn’t. What is his life right now? He refocuses, and turns to the dwarf, “Where is this thing? Who has it?”  

 

The little guy pulls out a map and hands it to Liam, there is a long red line drawn down the middle and he can tell it’s at least a two hour drive down the coast. The line is marked with various landmarks, he reckons the destination will be rather easy to find. The end of the red line, however, is circled with a skull and crossbones over what seems like a cave.  Liam can already see Theo’s death stare.

* * *

 

They’ve been trekking for hours and the boys are tired and sweating and it feels like the sun is sitting on their backs. Their hands are clasped however, sticky palms sliding together. Theo has said nothing, he’s only complained about being tired and Liam gets that, being a chimera and all… although, even on his bad days Theo leaves him a panting heaving mess…. _Ahem!!_ … _Not now with that stuff- time and place Liam. Time and place._

 

“Hey, you okay?” Liam asks stopping to look at Theo- he looks wrecked but Liam knows he won’t say anything. They haven’t slept in days and it shows in the form of puffy bags beneath his green eyes.

 

“I’m tired.” He says and keeps moving but Liam grabs his arms and spins him back around. He digs around in his satchel and hands Theo a bottle of Goji berry juice. He takes out a wet wipe and dabs the cool cloth over Theo’s forehead. The chimera just looks at him like he is a literal angel and not an impulsive do-gooder that dragged him into the jungled parts of Beacon Hills for a side quest.

 

“Thank you.” Theo says wrapping his arms around Liam. The beta melts into his sticky hold and rests his head on Theo’s chest, letting the steady heartbeat wash over him.

 

“I don’t think it’s much further, I’ll piggyback you, come on.” Liam pulls back after a few moments and turns around, waiting for Theo to hop on.

 

“Liam, I’m heavy…”

 

“And I’m a werewolf. Come!” Liam kneels down and Theo reluctantly gets on, Liam lifts him with ease and they continue on the trail. They only walk for about half an hour more, Theo’s head bops up and down on Liam’s shoulder as the beta carries him the rest of the way. Liam’s back sweat is something to contend with but he’d never complain having Theo so close.

 

There in the distance they spot the place marked with the crossbones. Overgrown shrubs curl around the large rocks and Aztec faces that surround the temple… or cave or whatever’s entrance. It looks really pretty and Theo sees the history facts bubble behind Liam’s eyes as he hops off the beta’s back.

 

“That history brain is spazzing again huh, Li?”

 

“You have no idea. But let’s get this over with, I’ll tell you all about it tonight when you give me a foot rub.”

 

“I’m giving you a foot rub?”

 

“You will.”

 

Theo chuckles and his jerking body shifts a suspiciously loose rock under his arm, he jumps back instinctively, “Fucking shit!”

 

Liam is about to burst into fits of laughter because how often do you get to see the chimera of death get a fright- but he’s cut short when Theo pushes the rock. Liam moves over to help him. Their combined strengths move it easily and a long dark passage is revealed. Liam opens his mouth to speak but Theo shushes him with a finger over his lips.

They both focus their hearing down into the cave and their eyes widen at the loud snores emanating from below, deep rumbling wet snores. Liam whispers, worried and suddenly ready to run, “What the fuck is _that_?”

 

“You wanna know what that is hhm, Mr. Helpety-help? That is the sound of bad news buddy. Epically bad news.” Theo takes a deep breath and grabs the bewildered beta’s hand, dragging him into the darkness.

 

“Theo it’s dark!! Don’t you have a torch??”

 

“Dunbar, we _literally_ have glowing eyes…”

 

“Right.”

 

They walk down the narrow passage way, eyes burning yellow in the dark. A steep flight of stairs leading down into more blackness brings them to a stop but not before Liam has a close encounter, “Can you watch where you are going!?”

 

“Why? Scared you can’t find the way out by yourself?”

 

 _More like scared of having to live without you... but._ Theo punches his arm. They peer down the slope of steps. Nothing about this is comforting, not the creepy steps, not the monstrous snores and definitely not the glow worms slithering up and down the walls of the temple. Theo takes Liam’s hand and they lock their fingers together- after a reassuring squeeze Theo takes the first steps down the spiral and Liam follows close by. It seems never ending, like they are just passing the same markings in the same wall over and over but in truth they are going deeper down. The snores get louder as they approach the bottom and when they finally step onto flat ground again, they freeze and their heartbeats stagger.

 

“Is that a…”

 

“Yep.”

 

“It’s big.”

 

“ _Yeppp.”_

 

It is massive, bigger than what is depicted in children’s books, and if this is anything to go by Liam will frighten any future children with this image. Shit, _he_ is scared of this image. There are big bubbling warts all over its skin and curly hairs stick out of each wart, it's nasty and purple. Fucking purple. A _Troll_ , like you’ve never seen it. Liam is curious to know if it has a big belly stuffed with all the naughty kids he ate, like the ones Jenna told him about when he was little but he figures it’s probably a bad idea to poke it and ask it to turn over. Theo’ll probably kill him too.

 

“We need to get this fucking compass and bail Liam, my stomach is sitting in my ass,” Theo whispers and grips Liam’s hand tighter, “ _do not_ touch anything, ok?” Liam nods, but Theo yanks him even closer, “I mean it, don’t touch things, this place is rigged, look at it.” 

 

Liam glances around, there are oddly placed items everywhere, dangling on edges, laying in the middle of the floor, stacked on top of each other in a skew tower- ready to clatter and fall at any moment. “And especially don’t touch _that._ ” Theo points to a rusted lever wedged between two bricks. Liam nods, rolling his eyes when Theo turns around.

 

The two carefully make their way around to the front of the creature, backs pressed against the wall and then they part ways to look for the compass. The troll is still snoring, loud enough to vibrate the ground beneath their feet. Liam’s sure he wouldn’t even hear them if they made a noise, he’s careful none the less.

 

Theo is opening and closing cabinets in search of the golden compass, doesn’t seem to have any luck. Liam spots a large pile of golden eggs, other equally gold items are scattered around it like a nest, he puts his ear to one and listens, there is a faint little heartbeat. He’s dying to know what it is, his hand reaches for it but a sharp hiss stops him. He turns to find Theo glowering at him, with _those_ eyes again.

 

“FINE!” he whispers back. _Fine._ He keeps looking around in the pile of gold- if the magical compass is anywhere it would be here amongst the other shiny thingies and…. Oh… another lever… just sticking out of the wall. It seems like it opens a little drawer… what if the compass is in there? He glances over his shoulder and sees Theo bending down to peek under a low table- this is Liam’s chance.

 

Liam pulls the lever down quickly, puffing out a relieved sigh when it doesn’t make a sound. He smiles and looks around; the chimera is checking the bookshelf. And true as shit there in the hollow of the wall is a glittering golden compass the size of Liam’s palm. “Theo!” he stage-whispers across the room and Theo turns to see the compass in the opening of the wall. They both freeze when the Troll lets out a huff, large werewolf eyes darting between the Troll and each other. Its nostrils flare suddenly, over and over, and its nose twitches as a frown forms on its ugly and slowly awakening face. Liam inhales and realises that the Troll smells Theo, his yummy scent is tickling the massive goblin’s nostrils.

 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

 

Liam tries to move to Theo so that at least, if they die, they'll be together. But his shoes scrape on the ground and the large purple half-man-half-thing jerks its head up to Liam, on instinct it snaps its mouth in Liam’s direction ready to swallow him whole. Liam flinches but Theo distracts it with a loud scream and delay his demise by a few moments. He knows he has to act fast.

 

Theo dodges a swipe in his direction and the Troll knocks over the bookshelf instead, its content scattering across the floor. It lifts its huge purple wart covered body up, its head swinging between Liam and Theo. “LIAM!!!! THE STAIRS!!! NOW!!!!”

 

The troll looks back at Theo and Liam looks at the pile of golden things, the eggs and the compass, he grabs the latter and shoves it in his satchel.... He stands there staring for a few seconds, he doesn't realise but the moment he lifted the compass the walls crumbled. Everything around them is shaking, and he looks around bewildered, searching for Theo.

 

“LIAM!!!! WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE??? LET’S _GO_!!!!!!” Theo waits for him by the spiralling stairs, hand outstretched. Liam ducks under the Troll’s arm as the thing turns around slowly.

 

“FUCK!!!” Liam darts to Theo and slap their hands together allowing Theo to tug him up the steps that fall away at their heels as they run. Soon they are running with nothing beneath them but a long drop and an angry growling troll who reaches for them from all angles. They try to duck away from it as much as possible, but this Troll is inches away from punching the rest of this staircase to pieces before they reach the top.

 

“FASTER, LIAM!! RUN!! IT'S COMING!!”

 

Liam looks around to see the thing scaling the walls beside them, the way to level ground is not that far off, he wishes however that werewolves can fly because this fucking Troll is gaining ground.

 

“LIAM, ON THREE YOU JUMP, OKAY!!!”

 

“OKAY!!!”

 

“LIAM, I LOVE YOU!!”

 

“I LOVE YOU MORE!!!”

 

.........

 

“THREE!!!”

 

“FUCK I WASN'T READY….”

 

Theo jumps and makes it onto the flat surface of the passage they came from but Liam slams into it and grabs onto the shrubs protruding from the ground, legs dangling in the air. Everything is demolishing fast.  

 

“Liam!” Theo is yanked back down by their still-clasped hands, he grabs hold of Liam’s arms and pull him over the lip of the edge, helping him to his feet and they dive out of the way just as a massive rock plummets from fuck knows where, blocking the way behind them-  the last thing they see is the Troll’s ugly purple face, blunt teeth snapping and slobbering at them as it disappears.

 

The drama is not over- the mouth of the passage way caves in, the boys scamper to their feet and make a run for it, everything is dark, darker than it had been before and they have trouble seeing even with their werewolf eyes flashing.

 

“RUN!!! Liam faster! Shit!!” Theo tries his best to dodge the boulders crashing down beside him while still trying to keep the world's slowest werewolf safe, roughly yanking Liam’s hand forward to bring him to speed.  

 

How did he survive the near apocalypse in Beacon Hills when his reflexes were that of an actual chameleon? The thought must have escaped his mind and reached Liam’s ears because the next thing Theo hears, louder than the smashing of boulders, is Liam’s sharp growl “Theo, shut up!” he pants beside Theo, his hand in a vice grip in the Chimera’s.

 

“What?” Theo yells as a huge rock plummets down in front of them forcing them to release their hands and sidestep the obstacle.

 

The temple is imploding and they are running out of time to find the exit “Theo?? What’s the plan!?” Liam shouts desperately, his voice high as they scurry over the debris reaching for one another again.

 

“Fuck! I don’t know, just run!” Liam follows closely behind; Theo’s heels dig into his shins every few seconds. Yellow eyes desperately try to find some indication of light that signals the exit of the cave but there is just darkness around them, darkness and the sound of crashing rocks as the walls of the long passage give in behind them.

 

“Here, here!” Liam screams, grabbing at the hem of Theo’s t-shirt, he pulls the chimera back into a small and narrow side passage at the end of which they can see a bright ray of sunshine poking through. The walls are so close in proximity that the boys are pressed tightly against each other, chests heaving, harshly exhaled breaths ghost through each other’s hair.

 

They eye the roof of the passage, waiting for it to crumble too, but nothing happens, the cave below them goes silent as the last of the boulders plummet down. “Well… this is nice huh” Liam breathes ruggedly.

 

“I am going to fucking kill you!” Theo spits out, he presses passed Liam and storms off huffing and mumbling to himself, tossing an exaggerated hand in the air.

 

“Oh boy. Here we go.” Liam sighs and sprints after his boyfriend. When he reaches the outside of the cave Theo is laying sprawled out and breathless on the grass under a big tree, he lifts his head when Liam appears.

 

“Liam, baby, what in the name of-…”

 

“I’m sorry!!”

 

“I said don’t touch the lever looking thing...”

 

“I’m didn’t kno-…”

 

“But then you touched the lever looking thing anyway!!” Theo yells and his voice travels through the surrounding woods.

 

“YOU told ME about Indiana Jones and all this imploding temple stuff! We could have _died_! And then where would your alpha find us, huh?”

 

“ _Our_ Alpha,” Liam corrects him because as far as he is concerned Theo’s pack now. His inner Mason tells him that just because he is sleeping with Theo, does not make him pack. He ignores it.

 

“He’s not my alpha. Can you please just listen to me once in a damn while?” Theo drops his head back on the grass and exhales a long and dramatic sigh.

 

Liam sinks down beside Theo and crosses his legs, resting his hands on Theo’s chest “I’m sorry I almost got us killed.”

 

“Again,” Theo mutters, “ _again_.” But he pulls Liam down beside him and he kisses his forehead “You’re lucky you have the bluest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen... can’t stay mad at that.”

 

Liam sighs as they listen to the sounds of the jungle. He feels around in his satchel, a fleeting look of guilt flashes across his face… _nope not that._ He feels around again, this time pulling out the shiny golden compass. He can tell there is magic within just by holding it. Liam suddenly remembers another item that may contain some magic too, “Home?”

 

“Fuck yes.”

 

* * *

 

 

The blue truck pulls up by the lagoon, it's dark when they return but the stars are bright and the night air is warm and smells of Jasmine. The two wolves make their way to the cave wall and wait for the curtain to pull apart, they wait a while because teh dwarfs are fast asleep. Liam glances over at Theo while they wait, he tries not to be weird, but he’s sure Theo is used to it by now- He’s so pretty and he’s so kind and patient and nice…. even if all those things come wrapped up in a tough guy package. Liam’s opened it, he knows what’s inside, _mush._ There is just mush inside Theo Raeken.

 

Finally the dwarfs let them in, and they glide into the dark opening. The elder one approaches them and sticks out his stubby fingers, Theo scoffs and Liam reaches into the satchel to pull out the golden compass. “Aahhhhhhhhhh” is how the dwarf thanks him, he waddles to the back and pulls out a little woven packet with their belongings that Liam grabs before Theo can take it. The chimera arches a brow but he’s too tired for theatrics, he nods at the dwarf and eyes the other ones sleeping peacefully under the mushrooms, and he smiles, he’d never admit it- but he smiles.

 

He walks up ahead, slipping through the cave wall, making his way to his truck. Liam is a few steps behind, “You good now? Or do you have any more crazy needs?”

 

He takes a few more steps, halting when he realizes that Liam has stopped too, he turns, eyes darting around when he doesn’t see the beta at first but he soon finds Liam just a little lower than eye level…. On his knee…..

 

“I just want to see you happy… and naked. So, will you, uh... marry me?”

 

He holds out a small black box, his pants hanging from the woven packet with its pockets out-turned. Liam bites down on his lip and there are unfamiliar lines creasing his forehead, his heart is thundering in his chest and tiny drops form on his brow.

 

Theo has never been flabbergasted in his life, he has been surprised only once and impressed a few… but _this_? He can’t even form a sentence, he _knows_ the word he wants to say, he wants to shout it right now and wake everything in this preserve up, but his body is frozen, mouth agape. His mind races back and forth over the last few days, from Liam wanting to come back to see the dwarfs, to him insisting on helping these stupid creatures, all to get his ‘pants’ back…. _This little shit._

 

“Oh my… oh... Liam,” Theo rushes forward and sinks down on his knees too. He takes Liam’s face in his hands and their eyes lock, “what are you doing baby?”

 

Liam smiles, he’s never heard Theo’s voice so high and ready to break before, he’s never seen his green eyes so full of wonder and disbelief. Theo keeps looking between Liam’s eyes, waiting for him to yell “sike” and punch him for being so stupid… but he doesn’t.

 

“I’m asking you to marry me…” Liam answers softly, opening the box but Theo doesn’t even look down.

 

Theo nods vehemently but the disbelief still burns, “Why??”

 

“Because you are wonderful _,_ Theo.”

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you Liam.”

 

The two are propped on their knees, their chins resting on their folded arms atop the bed, they stare wide eyed at the huge golden egg before them. It already has one crack down the middle, it won’t be long now until it hatches. They have no idea what will come out, or how big it'll be but it’s theirs now.

 

“When did you even take this?? How did it not get squashed?” Theo asks glancing down at the thick silver band on his finger and Liam catches him smiling as he twirls it around. Liam loves this look on Theo’s face, he loves how at peace and happy the chimera looks, and he’s more than satisfied that _he_ is the reason for it.

 

“I’m a ninja, Raeken, you don’t know. Do you like it?” Liam asks nodding to the ring, not that he needs to ask.

 

“Theo tilts his head to Liam, laying down on his arms, his gorgeous smile growing wider, “I love it almost as much as I love you.”

 

Liam nudges him playfully. They are distracted by a sudden crack, “Oh my gosh!! It’s time! It’s time!”

 

“Holy shit!!” They both stand up and Theo holds the towel ready, he doesn’t know why but Liam told him to and he figures his egg stealing fiancé knows more about birthing said eggs than he does so….

 

The golden egg splits open and tiny cracks appear all over it, marring the gold from the inside out. They can barely contain their excitement, their heartbeats race as they watch the top half pop off.

 

“Oh wow…” Liam breathes gripping Theo’s arm tight, “that is so fluffy!”

 

“What the fuck is it??”

 

The tiny green fluff ball chortles and hops over to the boys. Theo picks it up and cautiously brings it to his chest, “Heeeeey little buddy.” He coos and scratches its head, and it suddenly expands, doubling in size.

 

“Oh shit!!” the boys chuckle nervously and Theo adjusts his arms to make more room.

 

Liam reaches out and pets it, his fingers carding through the velvety soft fur, its big squint eyes look between the two. It hops out of Theo’s arms and once it lands on the mattress, it doubles up again. Big and round and fluffy. The fluff bounces on the bed, looking expectantly at Theo and Liam as it goes up and down, the strands of long green hairs growing longer by the second.

 

“How big…”

 

“I...I don’t know…”

 

Its squeals and widens it eyes in enjoyment, it wants them to join him… so they do. They abandon all logic all care and all of their worries and they hop on the bed and jump! They bounce and giggle and snort and nearly tumble down, each one’s jump launches the other higher until their heads hit the ceiling and their breaths run short.

 

Theo realises- as he looks at the wiggling new addition to their family and his fiancé- that he would probably flatten the world in search of more magical items, if it meant he got to do it with this ridiculous beta by his side. He’d do it a hundred times over. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for enduring this craziness!!


End file.
